You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
