My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
