dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize