PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
