i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
