I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
