Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
