She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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