I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize