In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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