I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
