I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
