is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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