He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
