I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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