he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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