apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize