Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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