It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
