Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
