no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
