this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
