Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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