dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
