Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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