Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize