Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
