Got a toothbrush?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
