what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
