I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
