he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize