Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
