By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
