Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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