Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
