i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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