i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
