we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
