you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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