I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
