Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
