its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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