Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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