he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
