I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize