Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
