Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
