saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
