I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize