i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
