I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
