normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
