i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
