worst night to have a conscience
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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