I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
