im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
