Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
