his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Michael Bay diarrhea
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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