I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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