Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
