I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love you. Go after that dick
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize