its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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