I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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