We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
