you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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