I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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