I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize