I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
