I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
