I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
