she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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