plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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