I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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