All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
