it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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