he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
