We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
