I just cut my nipple shaving
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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