I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
