Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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