I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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